Monthly Archives: April 2012

Life comes at you….fast!

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At the time of this writing, my husband of 35 years has gone on to be with the Lord. He is fully clothed, in his right mind, sitting and talking with Jesus. I prayed that exact prayer for him and I’m convinced that that is what is happening. He’s understanding why he was so depressed but he won’t be depressed anymore. His back isn’t hurting and he’s lost forty years of age and looks like a hippie again. Even though I comfort myself with these things, I’m in grieving mode, but the word of God is still able to permeate my grief. I’m not necessarily comforted by it but it still has a way of distracting me from my grief.
As I had mentioned before, I like the structure of the Torah schedule for Bible study and reading (See “Torah Portions” in Google). I’m frustrated though, because I want to combine the Brit Chadashah (new testament) with my Torah studies in a way that will illuminate the sayings and actions of Jesus and to make sure that I read all of the gospels and writings of the apostles as well. In a nutshell, I want a balanced approach and the big picture.
Some would say, “Well just read a gospel at a time.” To answer that, I would have to say that I find that way confusing, disjointed and like someone is tossing little pellets of cat food at my forehead. It doesn’t really work for me.
I didn’t make it to the New Testament a couple of weeks ago because the Torah portion connected with me in a deep, personal way. The week of March 18, is the week my husband died. The Torah portion was “Vayikra” which is the Hebrew word for “leviticus”. I wanted to know what that meant. It means “And He called’, referring to the first verse in Leviticus that says God called to Moses to speak with him at the tent of meeting.
And He called. Ironic–God called to my husband too. He’s speaking to him from His tent…You know the sky is called a “tent” in scripture.
So, the word Vayikra comes from the verb “kara”, “to call”. It’s more than just “to call”, but more like to ‘accost someone, or meet them in the way”. It’s not like I’m waving at you. It’s like, I take your arm and compel you to listen to me. That’s an encounter. My husband had an encounter…a rather dramatic encounter..an encounter that caused him to leave this earth. He struggled for ten days before he went into a third cardiac event. He’s been gone fifteen days now, and my emotions are still reeling from that. I wake up from a nice nap and suddenly have a panic attack because I’m thinking, “He’s gone!”
My husband was a man who read the Bible..He was not ignorant of God’s words, but he was a troubled believer, who had issues that only God knew about. I know this…like a good wife I tried to become an expert studier of my husband, just like I try to study the scriptures. Alas, the reunion I thought would happen will not happen until I see him in heaven.
Meanwhile, he left behind three adult children who knew about J.R.R. Tolkien, and Frodo, and Bilbo Baggins and Smaug! He made sure that they understood that the Beatles were the GREATEST band that ever stepped on a stage. He taught them that golf was a game you played with “the old man”. They learned that soldiers have fun sticking glow sticks in their mouth, and that Animal Farm and Zip Zip and his flying saucer were required reading in the Wilkerson household.
We do not grieve as those without hope.

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